I like you, but I don't like you like you...

The first time I ever hit on a guy I was young, maybe 13 or 14. I don't remember much of the encounter itself,  but I know that I'd met him at a rec center near my house and totally thought he was dreamy. He was into me, and we hit off. From there we dated on and off for about four years. Unfortunately this is where my successful approaches come to an abrupt and unfortunate end.

Every guy I have approached in the ensuing decade, from then until today, has politely declined my advances. I have heard a shit ton of excuses ranging from, "You're just not my type" (I can respect that), and "We should just be friends" (Fuck no.) to "Um, no" (Rude!), and "I don't think I'm your type." (Are fucking retarded! I hit on you, plus I don't even have a "type" you dumb ass.) None of them helped the sting. It never got easier to take, nor did it get easier to put myself out there.

As recently as two weeks ago I was rejected by "I don't think I'm your type", who was a friend I hoped to make into a boyfriend.Obviously that was a disaster. To be quite honest, in this situation I was more offended by the lame ass reason than the actual rejection.

At this point in my emo extravaganza I really should add that I have been hit on, successfully. Not really sure how to word that one. I get hit on, not very often anymore, but it happens. I usually give the person the time of day, unless I find them so ugly it's repellent. This isn't out of some karma bull but instead out of sheer willingness to give anyone a try. I find that even the marginally attractive can be upgraded greatly by a good personality or intelligence.

All of this rejection has made me as bitter as orange rind.  I try not to let the bitterness affect me but there are times. Sometimes I'll be listen to someone complain about their relationship problems or see a couple together in a loving caress and want to throw a brick at them. As of yet I have not, that you know, done so. Some how, I have been able to avoid many of the pitfalls that the chronically rejected oft fall into. I really credit that accomplishment to my mom's constant reassurance of my worth as a child, but that's for another more Freudian post.

I openly recognize the things about me that make me so prone to rejection and because I am being honest I am going to lay them out here for your reading pleasure. My personality, is abrasive and at the same time wholly insecure. My body, I'm fat. My dress, I have never been and never will be a snazzy dresser. I'm shy, and closed off. All of that is topped off with my chronic depression and severe anxiety attacks. I'm a mess, but that's me.

You may read that and think to yourself, "OMG WTF GTG, It's not you it's me. I simply have a allergy to crazy people." Yeah, me too. Let's be clear, I do not lay all my crazy out in the first meeting, are you crazy? Like most of you I try to hide my crazy, but it seems my crazy has grown to be a bit of a Houdini.

At this point in my story the only thing I have left to say is... Hi, my name is Jerome. Would you like to go out some time?

All My Single Ladies (and Gentlemen)

What the hell people? Seriously? Not one? Not a single person objecting to being single? I am very happy :)! I am happy because this means that people are taking advantage of our situation. However this excitement is rolled over like a protester in China circa 1989 by the results of my impromptu poll of 100 people around my college campus.

76% of the people not in a relationship and 41% of those in relationships where actively seeking a relationship.

If someone would have asked me to guess the results, I would have never guessed this. So I wonder... WHY? So I asked why. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What is the draw? Here is what they had to say.

"I mean like, I just like it. I like to have a willing dick around when I want it." Lindsay, 20

"I just broke up with my girl and it's like I was with her for a year. It's too different being single." Dawan, 24

"Me and my boyfriend have been together for years. I don't exactly like being so far away from him [She attends EMU, he attends MSU] but at this point I don't want to break up. I like having him there when I need him. I do, you know, hook up with other guys but that's just cause he's not here." Anonymous Female, 19

"I love my boyfriend, he was my first everything. He is my first love, but we are not compatible sexually. I need someone who is on my emotional level." Anonymous Female, 21

"I have purposely never dated but I think I am ready. I know that I'm young and whatever but I think it's time. I'm not looking to get married, but I do want a girlfriend or at least a few people that I can just date." Francois, 19

These are some of the worst and best answers (my own personal opinion) I could have imagined. I especially appreciate the well reasoned argument from Francois. When I stopped dating I had a similar but opposite reasoning. I completely understand Anonymous Female 19's sentiments but she mentioned that her hook-ups where not known to her boyfriend which is not cool.

From all that I just want to add that if you are in a relationship that fits your needs, whatever they may be, then stick with it. Better yet, use your best judgment. You have every right to choose to be in a relationship that fits your wants and desires. Just keep a constant dialogue going with your partner or partners so that they know they are a notch in your head board or you may become just a line in a song.

"Why are YOU still single?!"

Today on LTASex we are talking about a moment that I am experiencing right now. Being single.

In many ways being single is a great advantage to being paired. For instance if I want to get drunk and slutty or leave my head and my heart on the dance floor, I can. However there also downsides to being single. These basically revolve around not having someone in your corner when you need them or having the empty side of the bed. In my case none of this effects me. (That's a lie. You'll see later.)

In no way am I looking to be paired, but I am not against being paired. At this point in my life, like many of you, I am focused. I am working for my degree, building a career, working on passion projects (like this one), and making sure that I am happy within myself and with the people around me. I am not concerned with dating.

I was talking to a older lady at my favorite coffee shop (shout out to Bombadil's) and we got on the subject dating. She told me about how in her 20 something youth she didn't see their being an option. She finished high school and went to college to find herself a man. She explained, "You kids are so lucky that you have a choice... I went to college and found a husband. I went to the kitchen and found three children. I went to the nursery and found that this was not the life that I wanted for myself. Unfortunately by then I was stuck." She is just now at 62 realizing her true potential.

What is saddest about her story is that I see so many men and women living or heading towards this life today. The chronically paired, the desperately single, and the living for the ring are all heading towards the world of lifelong dissatisfaction.

We are freaking lucky! We have the ability to go out, build a life, have experiences, fuck up, try again, fuck up some more, see the sights, smell the scents, taste the tastes of life. Neither me or you, at this point in our life, should be worried about marriage or any serious dating.

You should be having sex, lot's of sex with lot's of different people. You should try dating, flirting, exploring, and experiencing other people. I guarantee that if you do you will be a happier 40 year old married person. You won't look back at your life say I should have, I could have. You will look back and say wow shouldn't have done that one and how much fun was that.

To be honest, there are nights like these when I sit at home alone scrolling through my Palm Pre's contacts and thinking about how nice it would be have some one to cuddle with. There are nights when  I would rather send a text to a loved one rather than troll the internet for porn or a hook up. Those nights are rare. Most nights I go to sleep content, single, happy and loving the life I'm leading.  I have good friends, good laughs, good food, and good sex. What else does 22 year old me need?

I know I'm going to get responses that label me a hippie. Let me be clear I have never and will never be associated with and hippitry. Hippies are jobless, unbathed heathens and they have no place in our society (joking). I am just a person who understands that the media sucks, and some of our parents suck! The media bombards kids with the ideas of marriage as the ideal but doesn't teach us how to get there. They also refuse to acknowledge that maybe marriage isn't for everyone and that maybe there is more to life. This is why we have to take the time to figure out who we are and where one or more romantic partners may fit into our lives if at all.

I want to know what you think.  Send me an email @ LTASexINFO@gmail.com twitter @ LTASex and now on Facebook search Let's Talk About Sex.

PS.

I AM NOT against monogamous hetero normative relationships even at our age. I AM for making informed decisions and choosing what is best for you now but understanding how it may affect your future. Use your best judgement, and if you fuck up it's ok you can probably try again.