Now what? This is a question we all ask ourselves once a relationship has ended. If it was a short relationship, “now what” is often followed by, “do I want for lunch”. However, if the relationship had any extended length or strong effect, “now what” is often followed by a sense of being completely and lost.
Breaking up is a undeniably difficult process. That is not helped by the fact that, even though you shouldn't, many people wrap their identities in their relationships. Now that it’s over, half of who they thought they were is gone. The relentless realist in me sees these times as painful periods of transition that will end. The relentless optimist sees this as a opportunity to redefine one’s self. The dowdy pessimist sees this as the most terrible thing that has ever happened and it will never, ever, EVER end… ever. In their own way, they all have the right idea.
The gut wrenching pain you feel after a breakup is terrible, but it will end and from it, you will find inspiration to be reborn. You must not think of this as being the end of the world. If a break up can destroy your will to live, you have other problems. Problems which cannot be confronted in this >1000 word blog post.
Paired couples become one entity in the eyes of friends and family. After a break up, those ideas will have to change. In that transitional period, you have a window to redefine yourself. People are much more willing to accept a big change if it is accompanied by another big change. Switch jobs, dye your hair, drop the religion you don’t really believe in. Use this time to do something wild and new. Your changes will not only help you move on but it will also help everyone else readjust as well.
The worst thing you can do after a break up is ignore it. Ignoring it never works the way you want it to and will lead to baggage. If you are like me, you do not need any more ghosts following you around. Confronting the break up head on is the best, and toughest, thing to do.
In order to confront the break up you have to be willing to explore, understand and accept the reasons behind the dissolution of the relationship. You also will have to figure out for yourself where to put the emotions and feelings you still hold for the other person(s). You must not deny those feelings, or cheat the process as it only serves to diminish your happiness in the long run.
If you can find it within yourself to confront the facts of the relationship and get to a place a peace about its demise you will be able to move on.
While you will never fully forget, you will be able to live without dragging around anymore luggage. For the most part, that is enough. A beautiful thing about relationships is that no matter how bad they are you never want to forget the lessons you’ve learned, things you’ve lost and the things you have to look forward to.
