Today on LTASex we are talking about a moment that I am experiencing right now. Being single.
In many ways being single is a great advantage to being paired. For instance if I want to get drunk and slutty or leave my head and my heart on the dance floor, I can. However there also downsides to being single. These basically revolve around not having someone in your corner when you need them or having the empty side of the bed. In my case none of this effects me. (That's a lie. You'll see later.)
In no way am I looking to be paired, but I am not against being paired. At this point in my life, like many of you, I am focused. I am working for my degree, building a career, working on passion projects (like this one), and making sure that I am happy within myself and with the people around me. I am not concerned with dating.
I was talking to a older lady at my favorite coffee shop (shout out to Bombadil's) and we got on the subject dating. She told me about how in her 20 something youth she didn't see their being an option. She finished high school and went to college to find herself a man. She explained, "You kids are so lucky that you have a choice... I went to college and found a husband. I went to the kitchen and found three children. I went to the nursery and found that this was not the life that I wanted for myself. Unfortunately by then I was stuck." She is just now at 62 realizing her true potential.
What is saddest about her story is that I see so many men and women living or heading towards this life today. The chronically paired, the desperately single, and the living for the ring are all heading towards the world of lifelong dissatisfaction.
We are freaking lucky! We have the ability to go out, build a life, have experiences, fuck up, try again, fuck up some more, see the sights, smell the scents, taste the tastes of life. Neither me or you, at this point in our life, should be worried about marriage or any serious dating.
You should be having sex, lot's of sex with lot's of different people. You should try dating, flirting, exploring, and experiencing other people. I guarantee that if you do you will be a happier 40 year old married person. You won't look back at your life say I should have, I could have. You will look back and say wow shouldn't have done that one and how much fun was that.
To be honest, there are nights like these when I sit at home alone scrolling through my Palm Pre's contacts and thinking about how nice it would be have some one to cuddle with. There are nights when I would rather send a text to a loved one rather than troll the internet for porn or a hook up. Those nights are rare. Most nights I go to sleep content, single, happy and loving the life I'm leading. I have good friends, good laughs, good food, and good sex. What else does 22 year old me need?
I know I'm going to get responses that label me a hippie. Let me be clear I have never and will never be associated with and hippitry. Hippies are jobless, unbathed heathens and they have no place in our society (joking). I am just a person who understands that the media sucks, and some of our parents suck! The media bombards kids with the ideas of marriage as the ideal but doesn't teach us how to get there. They also refuse to acknowledge that maybe marriage isn't for everyone and that maybe there is more to life. This is why we have to take the time to figure out who we are and where one or more romantic partners may fit into our lives if at all.
I want to know what you think. Send me an email @ LTASexINFO@gmail.com twitter @ LTASex and now on Facebook search Let's Talk About Sex.
PS.
I AM NOT against monogamous hetero normative relationships even at our age. I AM for making informed decisions and choosing what is best for you now but understanding how it may affect your future. Use your best judgement, and if you fuck up it's ok you can probably try again.
Monday, March 15, 2010
"Why are YOU still single?!"
Labels:
dating,
relationships,
sex 3.0
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But in the end, no one wants to be alone. Even though you may not be single, you still may have that empty side of the bed and feel lonely. That woman may have just realized her true potential but I'm willing to bet that she is happy with her family and wouldn't give them up for anything. Its not just about being single or being paired, its about being happy.
ReplyDeleteShe waited till they where grown, left her dick husband and is now a writer. Living the life she should have tried on before settling down.
ReplyDeleteWhile I see your point, I also feel like there are different things for different people. Some people prefer to be single and have sex with multiple people and get crazy and drunk and so on and so forth. What needs to be realized is that there are also people who just aren't like that. I mean I totally agree with the notion that we must explore, but there is a point when exploring is no longer fun.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking for myself, I have to say that although being in a relationship can be a pain in the ass, being single isn't all that fun either. I have had crazy drunk nights. I've had (especially recently) a sex life that would blow anybody's socks off... but at the same time, I've come to realize that that sort of life isn't for me. For me, I think that it's all about finding someone who is on the same level as you. I feel like even for a person my age (I'm 21) I can be in a good relationship - where I choose to be monogamous with a guy - yet still have the space to do as I will (which in my case is finish my degree, get good job and my own place.) These things can be done while in a relationship. You just have to find the right person who has the same ideal as you about what to do in life... and I agree that marriage should probably not be the first thing that pops into your head. But for me, I find that having one guy in my life that I could sext instead of looking for porn or to have sex with (and it helps to have an amazing and enthusiastic lover) or even cuddle with is what I prefer...
@Anon
ReplyDeleteI would like to take a moment to analyze your comment. I think that you are connecting serial monogamy, serial hook-ups and party people together. I, like a lot of people was a promiscuous person, however at the time I was not a drinker or a party person. Even now I am totally ok with nsa sex. So make sure you aren't grouping characteristics. Oh and exploring is always fun as long as there is something new going on, trust me. As for the rest of your post I am glad you have your own ideas and hope you the best with your sex and relationship life
I think like the writer that society has dictated our lives from inception until death. Unless you are a free thinker or have the proper support system it's easy to do what Mom and Dad did.
ReplyDeleteI've decided my future every step of the way because I was raised to believe I could. I have chosen to live a strictly monogamous life. Having never had a one night stand or desired one. But that is my choice. Your 20's should be a time of exploration as you desire it not because it's been dictated to you.
I am now in my 40's content in the fact that I did as I wanted through out my life. I did this while completing college, forging a succesful career, having long term healthy relationships and raising a quirky but wonderful son. Who has grown to learn to live his life in a manner that makes him happy without adversely affecting others.. I am so proud of him.
My take away message... Live, Love, Learn in the manner that makes you happy, not that fulfills others idea of what Should make you happy.
Silly Hippie. You know you are.
ReplyDelete