Friday Advice: No One Likes A Sore Bum

J,

Me and my girlfriend are going through a rough patch.  I feel like she has somethings she needs to say to me but either can not or will not. I have asked her so many times what she has going on but she just won't say. I am not sure what to do here.

M

Dear M,

This happens very often and it is totally normal for people not t`o want talk about things that are difficult. I know first hand that it is hardest to talk to those that we are closest to. What she's thinking is probably the same things that you're thinking.

What needs to happen is you need to hold her and tell her everything is going to be ok, she is safe, and protected. You need to say that you know she is dealing with something and, whatever it is, you are willing, able and ready to listen to her.  You have to open the pipeline and give her the choice to come to you.   Ideally she will take a pause, consider what you've said and then spill her guts, but we know that is about as unlikely as Duke Nukem: Forever actually being released. So when ever she is ready she will come to you and together you can deal with what ever is on her mind.

If she doesn't open up then your relationship will continue to spin out of control until you both hate each other and you would rather take a dump on her corpse than listen to anything she has to say, and we don't want that. This whole situation is like hunting, you stay in the blind all day, waiting, hoping that something will come around and you can have something tasty for dinner. As we know, often you won't see anything at all and you will have to pack it up and go home bored, stiff and with a sore bum but it was worth a try.