I like you, but I don't like you like you...

The first time I ever hit on a guy I was young, maybe 13 or 14. I don't remember much of the encounter itself,  but I know that I'd met him at a rec center near my house and totally thought he was dreamy. He was into me, and we hit off. From there we dated on and off for about four years. Unfortunately this is where my successful approaches come to an abrupt and unfortunate end.

Every guy I have approached in the ensuing decade, from then until today, has politely declined my advances. I have heard a shit ton of excuses ranging from, "You're just not my type" (I can respect that), and "We should just be friends" (Fuck no.) to "Um, no" (Rude!), and "I don't think I'm your type." (Are fucking retarded! I hit on you, plus I don't even have a "type" you dumb ass.) None of them helped the sting. It never got easier to take, nor did it get easier to put myself out there.

As recently as two weeks ago I was rejected by "I don't think I'm your type", who was a friend I hoped to make into a boyfriend.Obviously that was a disaster. To be quite honest, in this situation I was more offended by the lame ass reason than the actual rejection.

At this point in my emo extravaganza I really should add that I have been hit on, successfully. Not really sure how to word that one. I get hit on, not very often anymore, but it happens. I usually give the person the time of day, unless I find them so ugly it's repellent. This isn't out of some karma bull but instead out of sheer willingness to give anyone a try. I find that even the marginally attractive can be upgraded greatly by a good personality or intelligence.

All of this rejection has made me as bitter as orange rind.  I try not to let the bitterness affect me but there are times. Sometimes I'll be listen to someone complain about their relationship problems or see a couple together in a loving caress and want to throw a brick at them. As of yet I have not, that you know, done so. Some how, I have been able to avoid many of the pitfalls that the chronically rejected oft fall into. I really credit that accomplishment to my mom's constant reassurance of my worth as a child, but that's for another more Freudian post.

I openly recognize the things about me that make me so prone to rejection and because I am being honest I am going to lay them out here for your reading pleasure. My personality, is abrasive and at the same time wholly insecure. My body, I'm fat. My dress, I have never been and never will be a snazzy dresser. I'm shy, and closed off. All of that is topped off with my chronic depression and severe anxiety attacks. I'm a mess, but that's me.

You may read that and think to yourself, "OMG WTF GTG, It's not you it's me. I simply have a allergy to crazy people." Yeah, me too. Let's be clear, I do not lay all my crazy out in the first meeting, are you crazy? Like most of you I try to hide my crazy, but it seems my crazy has grown to be a bit of a Houdini.

At this point in my story the only thing I have left to say is... Hi, my name is Jerome. Would you like to go out some time?

Random Web Stuffs

Miss Stripper USA!

The American media loves its salacious news stories. If it is pretty, skinny, young, bloody, or blonde it has a good chance making its way onto the evening news. Currently the news media is sating its appetite with is the “Stripper Miss USA”, Rima Fakih story

Firstly, let me just say she is not a stripper. She took a stripping class as a part of a radio station event. Yes, the function is called Stripper 101 but it is not as “dirty” as it sounds. I live in Michigan and listen to the Mojo in the Morning radio show every day and from that I know it is a female sexual empowerment event.

Secondly, these “revealing” photos were taken in 2007. Who even knows if she aspired to compete in 2007.

Let’s take a look at the picture that is causing this whole scandal.

Now let’s take a look at a picture of what Rima wore during the swimsuit portion of the Miss USA competition.



Her swimsuit is, basically, a bra and panties, while her stripper wear is shorts and a t-shirt. I think we might be in arms about the wrong thing

Come on people, Rima is mind boggling gorgeous and looking at highlights on YouTube she deserved her title. She’s smart, and literate which is more than can be said about many of her contemporaries. Plus, she’s a Michigan girl so I’m going to stand behind her.

In the end, this all comes down to people wanting tarnish her reputation. People who are not being honest about their motivations and people who seek to benefit from this “news”. That is unacceptable.

Songs To Get Busy To

Music and sex are two of the things that join us all together. So what's better than joining those two together? Everyone has something they listen to during sex. So with your help I have compiled a playlist of 10 11 of the best songs to get busy to.

1. Closer - Nine Inch Nails

I think the lyrics "I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside" are enough to grant this the top spot on our list.

2. Moments In Love - Art of Noise

This 1980's instrumental track is the sexiest 7:52 that you will spend.

3. Red Light Special - TLC

Back in the 90's TLC where the definition of Crazy Sexy Cool and this song is all of that. Turn it on and you won't even need a red light.

4. Say It - Ne-Yo

He wants to know what I want him to do to me... I have a few suggestions.

5.  Black Sweat - Prince

It's motherfucking PRINCE working up a motherfucking sweat! Damn now I'm misty, lol.

6.  I Get Lonely - Janet Jackson

Over her career Janet has graced us with many baby making tracks. This track has had a long sensuous career in my own personal repertoire. The beat on this track gets hips moving, if you know what I mean.

7. Fuck The Pain Away - Peaches

This track is for those times when you just want to get some gut busting banging in. Try keeping up with the hi-hat, and I guarantee you a sweaty good time.

8.  Amazing - George Michael

Yes I know this song is not all about sex but I can't listen to this song without getting in the mood. That has to count for something right?

9. Glory Box - Portishead

This is the type of song a movie would have in that scene where the two lustful characters finally get it on. The lead singer' purr in every word and the electric guitar solo midway through is more than enough reason to love it.

10. Black Milk - Massive Attack

Another song that would be a perfect back drop in a Hollywood sex scene.

11*. Speechless - Beyonce

This is a little known track from Beyonce's first solo album. This song plays like warm honey, with lyrics like "There's only sweat between us." This song is so good I had to make room for it on the list.

Honorable Mentions

My Funny Valentine - Chris Botti

Lebanese Blonde - Thievery Corporation

That's The Way  Love Goes - Janet Jackson

Last Request - Paolo Nutini

Can You Handle It - Usher

Careless Whispers - George Michael

Let's Do It Again - TLC

S3

In prep for the sex toy post of 2 weeks ago I went to S3: Safe Sex Store my local toy store. It turned out that I loved the store. I thought I'd share it, and what a good toy store should be like.

To say that S3: Safe Sex Store is the best brick and mortar sex toy store I have ever been to is a bit of a understatement. I have never even been to a store that compares. The store in no way feels like dudgeon, as every other toy store I have visited has felt. The location, big windows and natural lighting help to aide that feeling. S3 is located I the center of downtown Ann Arbor, MI sandwiched between a Jimmy Johns and a trinket shop, which normalizes the experience tremendously. When you walk in a friendly face, and two walls filled with all manner of sex toys and aides greets you. For such a small store, they are able to pack in a large amount of items, but all of the items are of high quality. According to storeowner Beth, every single one of their products is screened and must meet all of their requirements before it will ever go on their shelves. One of my favorite features of the store is the over 100 different condoms options they offer.  All of their condoms are kept in a temperature safe area of the store as to make sure the condoms integrity isn't damaged They not only have great products but also great prices, with many items available in the $15-$35 range, which is a sweet spot for us broke college students. One thing Beth really wanted to get across was that their store is place for education. She hosts several seminars all year round, both in store and in other venues. Their website is dedicated to education and you can find a mass of information there. All in all S3 is clearly the best choice for your sex toy needs in all of Washtenaw county, going anywhere else would be as criminal as most M. Night Shamalan movies.

For more info on S3 visit  their website at http://www.s3safesexstore.com/ 

Summer Sex

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