Friday Advice: Don't Kick Puppies

Dear J

I have had a series of bad relationships in my past and because of that I am often on edge and looking for my boyfriends to mess up so I can break up with them. I am now in really good relationship, with a really good man and I was wondering what I can do to help curb by self destruction. He has an ex-wife and two children, which doesn't bother me except he still lives with them. I know him and his wife are divorced and after what she did I don't blame, I just cannot shake the overwhelming desire to make say he's cheating so I can leave. Please help me. I really don't want to push him away. 

Anxiously,

L

L,
You do not know how often I hear this story and each time it breaks my heart. There are a lot of bad people out there who will hurt and misuse you. You must be able to dust off your old relationships, learn your lessons, and try your best not accumulate baggage. I know that I have a lot of personal issues with relationships and dating, when I am in relationships I have to work hard at curbing them. The way I see it is that I would not stop wanting  to pet a puppies because one bit me. I would be more careful, and diligent about not having it happen again. I would not kick the puppy so he gets mad and bites me. Stop kicking puppies, you're not Michael Vick. You say he is a good man, he treats you well, return the favor.

As far as the ex-wife situation, cohabitation happens, especially in this economic climate. I think that your boyfriend is just trying to be good to his children and keep them in a stable household, which is hard when you live separately.  I would think that him being caring, loving father would make him way more attractive.  Just learn to deal with it, and if you can't then just recognize that you may need to leave him and leave on good terms. Go to him explain your position calmly and rationally, see if that does not inspire him to soothe your fears. I think it will do you good, communication in these situations is key. You both have to talk AND listen. Try this and see how it works out for you, I guarantee things will get better if you do. Best of luck.

If you have any relationship quandaries send them to ltasexinfo@gmail.com